An Open Letter to the Library Staff of Philly's Public Libraries & the administration:
I have 3 children, ages 3,3, and 5. My kids have apraxia, just woke up from a nap syndrome, and autism, respectively. They are children, learning, exploring, and testing boundaries and their independence. Sometimes it is difficult to verbally express their needs. Sometimes its hard for them to self regulate. Sometimes they will respond to their environment in unexpected ways. This is toddlerhood, this is childhood. This has nothing to do with special needs, not really. In fact our experiences during our infrequent visits has much to say about YOU and less to do with my kids challenges.
From adults my children expect Politeness: be it tolerance, acceptance, or a polite hello, even a smile would do. They also expect adults to teach them how they should behave by modeling acceptable behavior. Frowning, sighing in exasperation, glaring in vexation, ignoring them, and even telling them rudely that it was "a Library, not a playground" are perhaps not the best way to show my developing children how to behave. Maybe a children's librarian could try to engage the unruly children in an impromptu story time or pointing them to a crowd favorite book, even engaging them in a silly how are you conversation would be helpful. My expectations are high, I realize. Apparently managing a simple greeting such as eye contact and a smile were to taxing for you. Huh, maybe social skills are challenging for more than just those on the autism spectrum.
Were my kids loud? Absolutely, at times they were. The squeals and tantrums of a 3 year old are LOUD in a big quiet room as are the vocal stimming of a 5 year old who is trying to drown out his sister's protests. I am sure it was exasperating. And yes, believe it or not, I was trying to keep her quiet. I was trying to teach her patience, tolerance, respect for others feelings. Isn't it ironic that the staff at the library could not be a bit more tolerant and patient with toddlers? Toddlers!! I half expected to be asked to leave with my offending and evil toddlers.
Perhaps we can also work on timing and to pay attention to social cues, there go those high expectations again. The guard picks that moment when I'm half carrying, half dragging a droopy tantruming 3 year old to come over and shush us. Gee how helpful, thanks! I made no snarky reply, I just ignored him and tried to redirect the other 2. Shouldn't he have been over by the gate guarding the stale books and outdated videos? He's in a uniform and I want my children to learn respect for those in a uniform. I am, as I've mentioned, teaching by example even when I almost bite off my tongue.
Two of my kids were dealing with sensory self regulation issues while their sister screamed and ran away, acting her age. Running away from mom is a favorite game when you are 3. All kids do this. But mine could not stop themselves once they started, it's like a chain reaction, one starts then the other 2 follow. They could not help themselves, they could not quiet themselves, they tried and were doing their best. They were excited to be in the library and while I wish they had been more quiet about it, they could not in fact do so. Again, they are 3 and 5. It is hard to be quiet, they are still learning.
Dear snarky children's librarian when I said, "it's rather hard for children to stand still and be quiet. Spectrum kids and sensory kids, especially, have a hard time. They are doing their best, please don't be rude to them." I was in fact being honest. I was not being
that mother with the unruly kids, who lets them run around and doesn't parent. Neither was I being
that mother who doesn't recognize that her kids are out of control and need discipline. I was, however, that mom that was trying to teach TOLERANCE, AWARENESS, and trying to get you to be better at your JOB! I walked away with my kids. What pissed me off was that my 5 year wanted to know why that lady at the library was mean. Uggh. I think my poor bitten tongue has gone numb.
Dear Philly Librarians-- if there is one of you out there who is truly CHILD FRIENDLY and CHILD AWARE, truly child friendly, please let me know where you are located because we'd like to visit your branch. Dear Free Library of Philadelphia, a little "special needs" training during your professional training day off later this month would perhaps be timely!
And THANK YOU to the lady at the check out desk. She was the only one who said hello and smiled, even talked to my kiddos. Thanks, truly, from a tired aggrieved twingle mami who appreciates kind manners.
