Missing my friend

My friend passed away a year ago on Mother’s Day. We were co-workers and had our kids together. We were pregnant at the same time and shared many Mother’s 1sts together. She had such a great laugh and killer smile. She was feisty, compassionate, and a bit of a naughty mouth. We just clicked. I miss her still. Every time the kids do something funny or every time my oldest does something for the 1^st time, I want to rush and tell her. I was talking to my hubby about it because I was feeling a little sad yesterday. I asked, do you think it will ever stop hurting so much? And why do I remember when she died so clearly and yet can't recall her birthday? I don't like dwelling on the days people die, I like to remember how they were alive and healthy. My hubby felt it was because it was on a special occasion day, even if it is what we like to call a Hallmark holiday.

 Now this isn’t my first rodeo with lost friends. I lost a friend my sophomore year in high school in a bike accident. DUI. He was a “boyfriend” or as much as one can be at a very sheltered 15. In college I lost my best friend, my dance partner, from leukemia. He had battled it for many years. I remember rushing to meet my hubby, then boyfriend, to just feel alive because his funeral was so very difficult for me. It took me a long time to get over that loss. With my friend Jess—uggh, it sucks, it’s not fair. 

Fing cancer SUCKS and I hate that she’s not here. I hate that she had no symptoms and was diagnosed at Stage 3 and then battled for close to 3 years before she passed away. I hate that those last years she was in pain and scared to death that she was leaving her little girl. As a mother, I can empathize and can only guess as to how painful knowing you were dying and leaving your children would feel. I admire her so much for never stopping the fight to live, and for living despite having  an advanced and aggressive cancer.  So Jess honey, I miss you. And I know you’re watching over Tori and your hubby. This mother’s day and probably every one for many years to come, I’ll light a candle and say a prayer. And if I find the time, maybe I’ll blast some dance music and do a little sexy girlie dance. Miss you sweetie. 

I also miss my best friend with whom we've been distanced for over a year. We disagreed and I was hurt. Perhaps we both acted too much like girls and emotionally crazy. And now life has taken over and we're distant. Sometimes life is like that though, people drift apart as their needs change. Sometimes its painful and other times you know its probably for the best. I'm still making up my mind which applies in this situation. It is hard to fix though when you're the only one seemingly making the effort. And I made myself a promise to never allow myself to be used again or be taken for granted and so I let status quo stay there.It's been a odd year. I've met and made new friends, other friendships have grown, and I guess that's just life. People come and go into our lives, some treasured, others learning experiences, and others lost way too soon. 

The lesson I want to teach my kids from all this-- make friends, appreciate them, and when you fight don't be afraid to think things over and apologize even when you're not in the wrong. Life is too short. Pick good friends and make time for that relationship.