What to share. . .

As my son gets older I struggle with how much to share on this medium. It's not about protecting folks from reading about the nitty gritty of Autism. It's about protecting my son's self image and autonomy. One day he's going to be reading a lot of stuff about his disability and I don't want him to ever feel shame or embarrassment as he reads my posts, should he care to do so.

It is normal to want to shield your child from being viewed in a less than perfect light. As his mother, it is a struggle between advocating for his needs, portraying an accurate view of his challenges so others can be helped or help, and protecting him. So for a bit now I haven't written. Mostly because I've had this unfinished post sitting there.

I am incredibly proud of him and how he continues to rise to his daily challenges and changing needs. He amazes me daily. Yes he constantly makes me want to pull his or my hair out while laughing at the absurdity that at times has become of my life. But the reality is that our household is a bit different. For example, he has night terrors pretty regularly. When he's throwing up at midnight, I'm battling with a screeching 50 lbs of terrified kid who's still stuck in a night terror. I must sound like the words meanest mom when I'm screaming at him to "wake the hell up" only to be heard over his screaming that's waking the dead. Or any other moment that seemingly should not sound like someone is being abused or killed but that for whatever reason in our house becomes a production. Seriously, I would not want to be my neighbor. Some days I don't want to be ME! And most days I want life to be easier.

I want others reading new or old to autismland, to know (1) you are not alone, (2) keep going, don't give up (3) ask for help when you need it because this life isn't easy. (4) i'm learning too.

I may not always post the raw truth of some of the challenges that we've overcome or live with. Sometimes its because it's too deeply emotional and personal and I just can't write it down. Other times I just want to be positive or ignore the rough spots. And most times, I just don't want to burn the sausage I'm cooking. Hubby if you're reading this, I may have burnt the sausage a bit because I was umm busy writing. Sorry. Just eat around the charred parts. I have lots of blog posts and things I want to write about, finding the time to write them is the challenge. Those twin threenagers keep me busy.