Signs you're maybe a Mommy

10. Right now there's a diaper, kids underwear, wipes, a hot wheel, a girls hair tie, a crayon, and a candy in your purse somewhere.

9. You will step on a noisy painful toy at 2 am in the morning no matter how careful you think you are being.

8. You will never leave the house on time ever again.

7. After 2 kids, they all become a generic "you" or "kid". They're all misbehaving somehow right?

6. You can't remember what you were saying. What?

5. You dry yourself off with a "shark" hooded towel after a quick shower.

4. Your voicemail has a closer relationship to those few that still call you regularly than they do you. Most people have forgotten the sound of your voice over a phone.

3. You can NEVER EVER hide. The tiny dictators will find you. You will never have the bathroom to yourself- again. Ever.

2. You bathe, eat, and exercise at weird times throughout the day whenever the opportunity arises.

1. You're serving a life sentence and it's both awesome and awful depending on the week, day, hour, or second.

The 6th Birthday Letter

I've written my son a letter every year on his birthday. This year I'm posting it on my blog. One day he will get to read them. Perhaps when he's older, when he becomes a father, or maybe when I've died. I hope he knows these 3 things remain constant throughout the years that have passed and those to come: I love him, I'm proud of him, and he will always be my baby.

Dear Buddy Boy:

Today you turned 6. The morning did not start off too well. You were 20 minutes late to school. We had 2 time outs before we left the house. Boy were you cranky. We rushed down the block in sweatpants and a polo shirt because your dress pants weren't clean. Mommy's fault. I crossed my fingers and hoped the rest of the day went better for you.

It did! At the end of the day you rushed out of those doors right to me, grinning, giggling, wearing this ridiculous birthday crown and birthday stickers. The utter joy that is you all bundled into that smile and exploded out of the glint in your eyes. Oh the love I feel for you! There aren't words to express or fully explain. It is just love, simply put. Huge and encompassing all that I am and all I ever want to be.

I became a mother 6 years ago today. It was a role that I had always feared and yet desperately wanted. For close to 9 months I was poked and prodded in places better left unnamed. My a$$ was purple throughout most of the time you were summersaulting in my uterus. That week in the hospital I would unwrap you and just look at your toes, your fingers, your eyes. Just you and me, and you were utterly my son.

By the way, I forgive you for calling me stupid and world's worst mami this morning. You're just like your daddy, making me laugh even when I'm mad at you. Te quiero baby.

Love,
Mami

Doing well, no Awesome.

The kiddos school has a big brother/big sister program for reading. They pair up the kindergarteners with a 5th grade class to help teach them reading etc. My kiddo hadn't been paired with someone until today because we wanted to give him a couple of weeks to get used to the routine of changing classrooms and the expected activity. 

 

His BSC and TSS were there. He didn't need them. JD was able to stay on task and was engaged through out the whole activity.  His BSC texted me about it because this is such a big deal. I must admit I got teary eyed. I am so incredibly proud of him everyday but more so on days he overcomes his disability.

 

Too often we focus on the challenges and the barriers that inhibit their inclusion into neuro typical peer activities. We tend to focus on the negatives because they are what we're tackling next. But I want to take time off today to celebrate the positives.

 

What's going well in my 5 year old's world?

• He's so bleeping present and engaged with everything.
• He's using self affirmations to deal with the anxiety and rules.
• He's using words to express his feelings without prompts.
• He's excelling academically.
• He's adjusting so well to a new everything at school- staff, environment, new TSS (1-1 aide), new rules etc.
• He's playing nicely in the playground with classmates.
• He's phenomenal at building legos.
• Plus he remains an excellent hugger.
• And he's a bit (a lot) of a smarta$$.  (he's our kid, of course he is)

I'm so incredibly blessed to have a 5 year old boy who is just the love of my life. He's simply Awesome and a bit of a smart a#$$. If I could bottle up that incredible emotion and sell it, I'd be a billionaire. I write this not to gush about my kid (well maybe an insy bitsy bit) but also to give you hope. This has not happened overnight. But we've also given him time to be a little boy. We have to remember they are people 1st. They are not just their "label".

 

We've screwed up some, maybe lots. But we've never been scared to try something no matter how crazy it sounded- we did dietary interventions, vitamin supplements, detoxed baths (Epsom salt, salt, vinegar, oils). People were like "ya'll are cray cray" and we'd be like "nah, nah, nah, sticks and stones."  But to us, to not question and blindly accept no cure, nothing to be done as fact seems crazy.  So if you think or hear about say sock monkey therapy and it seems to help, we'll probably give it a try too. Because (mostly me), I'm a bit crazy in love with my kids and desperate to try anything to get them to overcome their challenges.  If I give up then I let the negative win and I know he's capable of anything. He just needs time to shine and extra support.

 

So in summary, my kid is doing well. And I'm so freakin proud. I'd probably throw a party if I wasn't so exhausted.

This week in review

This is kiddo's first full week of school. He also had his 1st "tantrum" / "mini meltdown". We were waiting for them- on pins and needles really. We knew they would happen. And that's the tough part of inclusion. Because you know they're going to have a mini meltdown or tantrum and you know there will be kicking/screaming/crying what have you's and you know the typical peers will observe. And maybe they'll go home and tell their parents and well then you want to protect him from the gossipy judgy parents.

Personally I could give a sh*t, I'm not one to give a crap what people think and I have no time for BS. Judgy gossipy people suck especially when you've got a kiddo who can feel their criticism and who just wants to be liked. When kids call him a "weirdo" in the playground or wherever we're at, my medusa snake hair gets unsettled and only the thought that they're kids keeps them safe from my wrath but they definitely get the "you are not a kind person" look and their parents get the "WTF kind of parent are you that you don't correct it? How can you be teaching or allowing intolerance? Get off your butts, put the damn cell phones down and be  f*king parent!" look. I can't stand lazy parenting.

F*ck it, he's going to have a meltdown, yes he has autism, get over it. Your kid isn't perfect either Ms. I have a texting addiction on my new 1 inch bigger phone. Don't you know size doesn't matter?  It's how you use it sister? But he's got killer social skills, he knows the proper back and forth of a conversation, he knows good social behaviors vs bad. And he will one day understand that not everyone is nice and that hopefully won't change who he is or make him as sarcastic and porcupiney as his mommy. My job is to teach him how to be a good person and to teach him coping skills with this crazya$$ world that thinks common core math makes any damn sense and in this world where building a damn fenced wall around borders is helping in anyway.

His teachers provided feedback on how he's doing, while nice to hear, it didn't surprise me. That's just who he is:
A child from the autistic support classroom was pulled in for the learning activities and was having a difficult time transitioning. Anxiety. My kiddo stepped up, said: "it's okay to be upset." and he then modeled the correct behavior and proceeded to show his classmate how to do the activity. See that didn't surprise me. That's my kiddo, that's who he is. Underneath the hyper impulsive child, is a kid who loves to help and laugh. But it surprised his special ed teacher and his 1-1 aide. I wish other parents would take time to see him for who he is. I wish they would see beyond his disability. And my life long challenge and commitment-- is to scream inclusion until they get it, until inclusion is the "norm". Until my kid is the "norm" and the judgy biotches shut their damn mouths.

#endrant