I belong to an online mom group on Facebook and it currently has over 800 members. Although I have never met most of these moms in person, we have shared lots of moments together, experiences from our pregnancy through dealing with the men in our lives now that we are mommies of young babies. It's a fun group and of course with that many women there's bound to be some drama. Mostly it's a group of women who have bonded over the experience of becoming a mom. Yet as we approach the 18 months milestone, I am thinking about Autism and all things Spectrum. Well I am thinking about it more than usual.
There are 846 members in the group with about 860 babies (twins). Let's assume for simplicity that we are all from the U.S.A. (we are not, it is an international group). Now let's apply the latest CDC Autism statistics; 1 in 88 children, 1 out of 54 boys, and 1 out of 252 girls are diagnosed with ASD. http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/data.html/ 10 children from our group will be diagnosed with Autism.
10 babies. Each time someone posts a question about a delay, walking on their toes, hitting their head, waving/flapping their hands, you know all that stereotypical stuff- I think about these stats. I don't reply or post anything because I don't want to feel like the grim ASD reaper. But I think it. You know why I think it? Because I used to be like these ladies! I used to celebrate the milestones, each new development, and I was perfectly happy in my blindness until someone forced me to confront ASD right before Christmas. So many things have changed since then, some good, some bad, some just different. It's been a journey for not just my son, but the family. Since then, I have become more seasoned and conversely more frightened. And yet, nothing has changed from my son's perspective. He's just as happy as he was in December. Well, perhaps he's happier because he's speaking more and able to communicate with us, which is such a wonderful thing. It truly is wonderful to be able to have a conversation with my son and discover that he's such a silly boy with a wondrous sense of humor.
And he's started school and now is starting to have friends. I know I'm using this word a lot but it truly describes how I feel- it is truly wonderful to see my boy blossoming and coming into his own.
I wish these 10 April babies wouldn't get diagnosed. I wish our group would be the anomaly, but I know this is not the case. So instead, I hope these babies get diagnosed before age 2 or at age 2. Because the sooner they have a diagnosis, the sooner they can start getting therapies. I hope these moms learn how to be their child's best advocate, how to navigate early intervention, how to best help their child. But I also hope these 10 babies get extra love and attention, because they have a long uphill battle ahead of them. My girls are 16 months old and as we approach 18 months, I wonder what the future will hold for my girls and for all the other April babies?
I also want to tell these moms, my online friends, that things will get easier, that some things will remain harder, that at least they'll have resources, not to lose hope. But again, I remind myself- this will be a journey for their baby, for their family. No amount of words or warning will ever be able to adequately define the emotional journey that the diagnosis brings. For some, the diagnosis will be a confirmation and perhaps even a relief to know what is causing the different behaviors in their baby. For others, like us, the diagnosis will come with no warning and will absolutely floor them. For others, this journey will be a repetition- because some of us already have a child on the spectrum. Will it be easier? In some ways, since we know where to go to get the diagnosis and how to get the services started. But in other ways, no- not easier just a reality.
In the meantime, I'll keep reading posts and try not to assume everything is caused by Autism, I'll stop layman diagnosing, I'll stop being the Autism reaper. Instead, I'll go back to being a mom of 3. Wow, 3- it happened overnight it seems. I'm really hoping my girls hit their milestones on time and that Apple catches up developmentally. But you know what, regardless of what 18 months old looks like for us-- I know my girls are happy and that makes everything perfect doesn't it?
About Me
- twinglemami in Autismland
- Mommy to lego and minecraft obsessed little boy and twin girls who love dressing in tutus or princess gowns and trying on Mom's makeup. All 3 of my kids have their special talents and strengths and their unique challenges. Autism, Apraxia, Hypotonia, Anxiety, Sensory Processing, Receptive Language Disorder, and IEPs are all a part of the language spoken in this house! Always on the go to one therapy or play date to another support group meeting. . .
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
FML Crap like this
I've always hated that expression and dare I say overly used acronym on Facebook. Really, what could be so terrible in your life that would make you feel like cashing it in or making you feel so useless? Well today dear FML frequent users, I'm joining the club! Because some days, well nights if you're a SAHM, only an expletive as lovely as the f-bomb can ever satisfy emotionally! And then, only after multiple uses!!
Tonight I feel so frustrated and useless that I either want to scream it at the top of my lungs repeatedly, stomp my foot, or maybe go sip a twisted lemonade (I do have nearly an entire case in stock). Except I'm a mom and I remind myself that I need to be more responsible and I'm on an antibiotic. Let me tell you about the last 2 weeks since we got back from our Cali trip.
We came back restored & refreshed to a house full of sick kids who then spread their germs as only kids can do and got my house sick and my parents house sick too. I got back into the grind last week with 2 sick girls with ear infections and upper respiratory infections, dragged them to therapies with JD, I finally realized I was sick, hubby even stayed home to help on one of those days, before you know it I had a raging fever and I found myself bundling up like we were living in the Arctic instead of living in the dead of summer in the middle of a Philly heatwave.
Last week was rough and well I didn't get around to going to the doctor until Saturday. At 34 years old, I somehow get my 1st case of a double ear infection while getting a visit from Aunt Flo. To make myself even luckier I had an allergic reaction to amoxicilin. I spent a miserable unfortunate night trapped between the bathroom and the kids rooms wondering if the so called cure was going to kill me as I flushed yet another time as I purged from multiple orifices simultaneously. It's a latent talent. On Monday, my nurse told me that I should've gone to the hospital after the first flush. Hmm, I'd have to be dying. No thanks. I dealt with the swollen gums and the painful GI issues. She doesn't know my hatred for hospitals or my high pain threshold-- if you have Achalasia or any one of the "rare" diseases you hate hospitals. I'd explain why but well you have to be part of the club to get it.
Sometime in the wee hours of Sunday I wanted to die but realized I couldn't because my will isn't done and hubby doesn't know what meds or supplements the kids are on, the calendar isn't updated, and I have no life insurance since Met Life denied me the bastards! If I go to the hospital, I'll have to drive myself because the kids are sleeping, and no way am I pooping in my pants in my van, it'll stink for months and I'll be beyond embarrassed. I'll just stay in my bathroom floor. Today I'm eyeing the penicillin (new prescription) kinda nervously because my stomach is sore but at least I'm feeling somewhat recovered from the crap throw up fest. And my mouth is back to normal.
Took the girls to the pediatrician for their 16 mo check up and my babies are significantly underweight. I must go get them tested for Celiacs and other disorders and take Apple for a visit to the developmental pediatrician. I have a month to fatten them up before something dire apparently although what the dire is no one mentions? So this implies what? That I don't feed them? That I somehow miss a crying hungry baby? I'd notice, I think, if someone was crying for food. I know they're skinny but I swear I feed them! I have a fairly strict routine with the kids. One of them has autism and I have multis, routines come with motherhood of special needs. Its like peanut butter and jelly or salt and pepper or well you get what I'm saying here.
Then while the girls are crying since they're hungry and its nap time, I decline their shots just like I have at their 9 mo and every time I've gone in since. I just smile, shake my head negative, and tell her we're opting out. She either assumes I'm taking it lightly or thinks she can change my mind. Why she feels that lecturing me on the importance of vaccinations will change my mind? I dunno. I wanted to argue about efficacy rates, the percentages of people with severe allergic reactions to both these vaccines (Dtap and MMR), and the fact that I wasn't anti vaccine, merely didn't believe in unnecessary ingredients or combination shots. But instead I just signed the release for non vaccination and proceeded to nurse the girls to quiet them down. Because you see Dear Dr. Pam (and I do honestly like this doctor, she's very patient, thorough, and respectful), I do not need another vaccinate your kids lecture. I am a 34 year old mom of 3, 2 with special needs. I have logged how many hours in therapies, driving them to specialists, to therapies, calling to arrange things, I have an MBA, a BBA, and even a library card. I am fully capable to make an informed decision and while you're spouting off the latest CDC memo, I'm noticing that you have NOT informed me of all the dangers. So politely shut up so I can feed the girls, have you not noticed (and how could you fail to hear) that the girls have not stopped screaming through this entire visit because my appointment was at 10 and it's now 11:30 and we've been in this room for over an hour? So I start unclasping my bra and lifting my shirt and that was her cue to run out the room. I need to feed my kids I don't feed enough right?
I'm a bit depressed because I knew we'd have to take Apple to the Dev. Peds. I knew that was coming. But somehow it seems worse now that it's an official request from our pediatrician- I don't know why. I reach out for comfort and reassurance and find myself in my room listening to Delilah wanting to post FML on Facebook because I'm tired of dealing with Crap Like This! Being sick with stupid things that adults typically don't get- like an ear infection, let alone 2. A sudden allergic reaction to Amoxicilin. My kids not gaining weight. Oooh and being lectured on the dangers of not vaccinating against Whooping Cough and Measles. And to make my self pity party complete, I missed taking JD to a birthday party and I enjoy those. I also got into an argument with hubby in front of the in laws. We've always always agreed never to argue in front of our folks. Arguments are private right? Except when I get yelled at for coming down to deal with the crying, squealing 3 kids who are having stranger danger and over stimulation issues. Yelled at! Oh I'm sorry, you just got excited, you didn't yell. Maybe I should have stayed upstairs though since I wasn't feeling great and I didn't count to 550. I had zero patience and just blasted him. Not my finest moment. I'm not embarrassed. Just pissed at myself for letting it get to that point.
Note to self, FML I'm tired of dealing with this shit! I have enough on my plate with the kids, I do not have time for marital squabbles over me daring to come downstairs or as tonight, I do not have time for non-squabbles over how someone fails to understand that all I needed was a shoulder to cry on. A silent shoulder who didn't say the wrong thing and not enough of the appropriate thing. When did it become ok for someone else to feel the need to validate my emotions? I don't recall asking for permission for my emotions. I'm going to end this here because I'm tired, cranky, and down in the dumps (no pun intended. Oh okay, that was gross. But hey it was my allergic reaction, I can make fun of it).
I'll leave you with a good song on the radio right now that I love. And it's somewhat appropriate.
Marriage isn't about perfection or always agreeing, it's about knowing each others imperfections and making it work, because we've got 3 kids and they deserve happy parents able to provide them a happy childhood.
Goodnight!
Tonight I feel so frustrated and useless that I either want to scream it at the top of my lungs repeatedly, stomp my foot, or maybe go sip a twisted lemonade (I do have nearly an entire case in stock). Except I'm a mom and I remind myself that I need to be more responsible and I'm on an antibiotic. Let me tell you about the last 2 weeks since we got back from our Cali trip.
We came back restored & refreshed to a house full of sick kids who then spread their germs as only kids can do and got my house sick and my parents house sick too. I got back into the grind last week with 2 sick girls with ear infections and upper respiratory infections, dragged them to therapies with JD, I finally realized I was sick, hubby even stayed home to help on one of those days, before you know it I had a raging fever and I found myself bundling up like we were living in the Arctic instead of living in the dead of summer in the middle of a Philly heatwave.
Last week was rough and well I didn't get around to going to the doctor until Saturday. At 34 years old, I somehow get my 1st case of a double ear infection while getting a visit from Aunt Flo. To make myself even luckier I had an allergic reaction to amoxicilin. I spent a miserable unfortunate night trapped between the bathroom and the kids rooms wondering if the so called cure was going to kill me as I flushed yet another time as I purged from multiple orifices simultaneously. It's a latent talent. On Monday, my nurse told me that I should've gone to the hospital after the first flush. Hmm, I'd have to be dying. No thanks. I dealt with the swollen gums and the painful GI issues. She doesn't know my hatred for hospitals or my high pain threshold-- if you have Achalasia or any one of the "rare" diseases you hate hospitals. I'd explain why but well you have to be part of the club to get it.
Sometime in the wee hours of Sunday I wanted to die but realized I couldn't because my will isn't done and hubby doesn't know what meds or supplements the kids are on, the calendar isn't updated, and I have no life insurance since Met Life denied me the bastards! If I go to the hospital, I'll have to drive myself because the kids are sleeping, and no way am I pooping in my pants in my van, it'll stink for months and I'll be beyond embarrassed. I'll just stay in my bathroom floor. Today I'm eyeing the penicillin (new prescription) kinda nervously because my stomach is sore but at least I'm feeling somewhat recovered from the crap throw up fest. And my mouth is back to normal.
Took the girls to the pediatrician for their 16 mo check up and my babies are significantly underweight. I must go get them tested for Celiacs and other disorders and take Apple for a visit to the developmental pediatrician. I have a month to fatten them up before something dire apparently although what the dire is no one mentions? So this implies what? That I don't feed them? That I somehow miss a crying hungry baby? I'd notice, I think, if someone was crying for food. I know they're skinny but I swear I feed them! I have a fairly strict routine with the kids. One of them has autism and I have multis, routines come with motherhood of special needs. Its like peanut butter and jelly or salt and pepper or well you get what I'm saying here.
Then while the girls are crying since they're hungry and its nap time, I decline their shots just like I have at their 9 mo and every time I've gone in since. I just smile, shake my head negative, and tell her we're opting out. She either assumes I'm taking it lightly or thinks she can change my mind. Why she feels that lecturing me on the importance of vaccinations will change my mind? I dunno. I wanted to argue about efficacy rates, the percentages of people with severe allergic reactions to both these vaccines (Dtap and MMR), and the fact that I wasn't anti vaccine, merely didn't believe in unnecessary ingredients or combination shots. But instead I just signed the release for non vaccination and proceeded to nurse the girls to quiet them down. Because you see Dear Dr. Pam (and I do honestly like this doctor, she's very patient, thorough, and respectful), I do not need another vaccinate your kids lecture. I am a 34 year old mom of 3, 2 with special needs. I have logged how many hours in therapies, driving them to specialists, to therapies, calling to arrange things, I have an MBA, a BBA, and even a library card. I am fully capable to make an informed decision and while you're spouting off the latest CDC memo, I'm noticing that you have NOT informed me of all the dangers. So politely shut up so I can feed the girls, have you not noticed (and how could you fail to hear) that the girls have not stopped screaming through this entire visit because my appointment was at 10 and it's now 11:30 and we've been in this room for over an hour? So I start unclasping my bra and lifting my shirt and that was her cue to run out the room. I need to feed my kids I don't feed enough right?
I'm a bit depressed because I knew we'd have to take Apple to the Dev. Peds. I knew that was coming. But somehow it seems worse now that it's an official request from our pediatrician- I don't know why. I reach out for comfort and reassurance and find myself in my room listening to Delilah wanting to post FML on Facebook because I'm tired of dealing with Crap Like This! Being sick with stupid things that adults typically don't get- like an ear infection, let alone 2. A sudden allergic reaction to Amoxicilin. My kids not gaining weight. Oooh and being lectured on the dangers of not vaccinating against Whooping Cough and Measles. And to make my self pity party complete, I missed taking JD to a birthday party and I enjoy those. I also got into an argument with hubby in front of the in laws. We've always always agreed never to argue in front of our folks. Arguments are private right? Except when I get yelled at for coming down to deal with the crying, squealing 3 kids who are having stranger danger and over stimulation issues. Yelled at! Oh I'm sorry, you just got excited, you didn't yell. Maybe I should have stayed upstairs though since I wasn't feeling great and I didn't count to 550. I had zero patience and just blasted him. Not my finest moment. I'm not embarrassed. Just pissed at myself for letting it get to that point.
Note to self, FML I'm tired of dealing with this shit! I have enough on my plate with the kids, I do not have time for marital squabbles over me daring to come downstairs or as tonight, I do not have time for non-squabbles over how someone fails to understand that all I needed was a shoulder to cry on. A silent shoulder who didn't say the wrong thing and not enough of the appropriate thing. When did it become ok for someone else to feel the need to validate my emotions? I don't recall asking for permission for my emotions. I'm going to end this here because I'm tired, cranky, and down in the dumps (no pun intended. Oh okay, that was gross. But hey it was my allergic reaction, I can make fun of it).
I'll leave you with a good song on the radio right now that I love. And it's somewhat appropriate.
Marriage isn't about perfection or always agreeing, it's about knowing each others imperfections and making it work, because we've got 3 kids and they deserve happy parents able to provide them a happy childhood.
Goodnight!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Kids are expensive!
I'm reworking our family budget, trying to trim costs and make our budget balance. It is very difficult to go down to one income and adjust accordingly with 3 little kids. They are expensive and get even more expensive the older they get!
Now in the past year since we've been a 1 income household I've become pretty saving savy.
One of the best things I did was before I quit- I bought my van in cash by emptying my 401K. I know some view that as a faux pas but I can't imagine relying on others or public transportation. If I had a car payment we would be in deep trouble right now. So I am glad that I did it, even though it left me with no retirement fund. I just figure I'll be working for the rest of my life in one way or another.
I've also started couponing-- not an extreme couponer, just a smart couponer. If a deal is good enough, then I bulk up my supply. I buy when things are on sale and if I have a coupon. I buy store brand, I buy the kids clothes either on clearance or from a consignment. Diapers, bath toiletries, wipes- I buy in bulk or via subscribe n save on Amazon.com or Diapers.com.
I've done an interest rate reduction twice on our mortgage. It's not much, but every penny saved is a penny earned right? I've cashed in our change and deposited into the kids accounts, I've consolidated our credit card debt into a 0% offer and I'll keep doing that until hopefully the debt is gone. I'll have myself a hallelujah happy dance when that day comes. I called the phone company and cable companies threatening to cancel. I've gotten promotional deals this way. Most recently I changed from cable to satellite and I bundled it with my phone, cell, and internet. I am saving over $150. just on that alone! So a month ago we started with a monthly budget deficit over $450, now I'm just trying to find an extra $150 a month. That's huge! I've been busy making phone calls and researching costs. I still have more things to cut out, more things to see about changing, my goal is to make this budget be in the black. Then I need to figure out how to make extra money in the fall. I'd like to start saving again and have a decent down payment for when we eventually move.
Anyways, kids are expensive, budgets are a necessary evil, and I have a headache from working on excel today. Here's a copy of the baby/kid expenses portion.
Now in the past year since we've been a 1 income household I've become pretty saving savy.
One of the best things I did was before I quit- I bought my van in cash by emptying my 401K. I know some view that as a faux pas but I can't imagine relying on others or public transportation. If I had a car payment we would be in deep trouble right now. So I am glad that I did it, even though it left me with no retirement fund. I just figure I'll be working for the rest of my life in one way or another.
I've also started couponing-- not an extreme couponer, just a smart couponer. If a deal is good enough, then I bulk up my supply. I buy when things are on sale and if I have a coupon. I buy store brand, I buy the kids clothes either on clearance or from a consignment. Diapers, bath toiletries, wipes- I buy in bulk or via subscribe n save on Amazon.com or Diapers.com.
I've done an interest rate reduction twice on our mortgage. It's not much, but every penny saved is a penny earned right? I've cashed in our change and deposited into the kids accounts, I've consolidated our credit card debt into a 0% offer and I'll keep doing that until hopefully the debt is gone. I'll have myself a hallelujah happy dance when that day comes. I called the phone company and cable companies threatening to cancel. I've gotten promotional deals this way. Most recently I changed from cable to satellite and I bundled it with my phone, cell, and internet. I am saving over $150. just on that alone! So a month ago we started with a monthly budget deficit over $450, now I'm just trying to find an extra $150 a month. That's huge! I've been busy making phone calls and researching costs. I still have more things to cut out, more things to see about changing, my goal is to make this budget be in the black. Then I need to figure out how to make extra money in the fall. I'd like to start saving again and have a decent down payment for when we eventually move.
Anyways, kids are expensive, budgets are a necessary evil, and I have a headache from working on excel today. Here's a copy of the baby/kid expenses portion.
| Price per Unit | Units per Mo | Monthly Costs | |
| sz 4 Luvs 180 ct | 35 | 1 | 35 |
| sz 7 Pampers 100 ct | 47.19 | 1 | 47.19 |
| shampoo/bath | 30 | 1 | 30 |
| wipes box of 720 | 18.49 | 1 | 18.49 |
| mum mums | 15.31 | 1 | 15.31 |
| puffs | 17.63 | 1 | 17.63 |
| yogurt/melts | 80 | 1 | 80 |
| fruit snacks | 14.08 | 1.5 | 21.12 |
| juice | 2.5 | 8 | 20 |
| coconut milk/rice milk | 4 | 6 | 24 |
| gas | 55 | 4 | 220 |
| vitamins | 19.99 | 0.33 | 6.5967 |
| calcium chews | 4.9 | 0.5 | 2.45 |
| Girls Omega | 13.56 | 1 | 13.56 |
| omega | 28 | 0.33 | 9.24 |
| probiotics | 16.75 | 3 | 50.25 |
| enzymes | 23.62 | 0.5 | 11.81 |
| Total | 535.34 |
Friday, July 6, 2012
BEWARE- Crazy House full of Kids
A while ago I made a sign on an autism index card for emergency crew and posted it on my front doors. I did the same with my van. I worry about emergencies, would firefighters or EMTs know to hold JD? He'd get scared and who knows how he'd behave? So I have a sign on my front entry doors.
JD doesn't understand personal space and wants to be involved in everything. He's very affectionate and gregarious but he's also very particular about who he warms up to. I envy his ability to rely on his instincts. If highly stressed or nervous folks are around him- he acts up, gets super hyper and that awful screech is in high gear. If someone is calm and open- he's their best bud. If someone wants to force him to interact, he shuts down and tunes out. So depending on who it is, they can see a totally different side of my boy.
When people come to the house I always worry. All the therapists know what to expect so clearly I don't worry about them. Two weeks ago I applied for life insurance and the nurse came to the house to do a paramedical exam on me-- bloodwork, weight, blood pressure, medical history etc. The girls were having lunch and JD was watching tv. He got hyper at the newness of a stranger in the house. Jumping the couch hyper!
This week we had the plumber and the Direct tv guys over. Both service men were amazing with my kid! The Direct tv guy showed him his work van, and let JD "help". The plumber was perfectly fine with JD climbing all over him while the poor man was hunched over the bath tub pipes. When they left, my boy not only said "Good bye, later" on his own, but he made eye contact. Sure he was hyper, sure he verbally stimmed, sure he did all the stuff you expect from a 3 year old. The girls, were the girls. And I was the baby chaser the entire time the service men were here.
After they leave and the kids are napping, I wonder 2 things:
1. Did these men leave here having gained a greater awareness of ASD?
2. Do they think we're as nuts as I sometimes feel?
I hope they at least learn that autism is a spectrum and JD is not Rain man. I don't know where JD is on the spectrum but I want people to accept him for who he is. Some behaviors can't be helped, some reactions can't be controlled-- and I am incredibly thankful for the folks who come into this house and treat JD as a normal 3 year old boy and don't show pity or fear or anything else negative. I know this won't always be the case, but I find myself feeling that maybe mankind isn't doomed, because there are some genuinely nice people left on this world. And some of them have found their way to my house.
Are you still wondering why I think this is a crazy house? Here's what happened today:
Shortly after lunch Apple is nursing, I'm cuddling JD, and I'm googling. Cems is playing with the Leap Frog Tag Books when I heard her poor tummy make monstrous noises. I figured I'd let her finish before changing her diaper. I hear her tummy again. Then she starts crying. I look down and realize the diaper failed. Diaper Blow Out of Gargantuan proportions! So there's a Poop fest all over her, on the floors, everywhere. Then Apple's tummy makes a familiar noise. Oh Shit!
I've got 2 poopy babies, poop on the floor, some on the couch, all over the book. Hmm, Dilemma! Can't leave the mess and JD alone, Can't leave the girls in the tub alone. I clean most of it with a boxful of baby wipes while holding on to the BOGOs by their dresses. Some days I wish I had arms like a Hindu Goddess. While I dump a fully dressed Apple in the tub, I undress Cems layer by layer, like a poopy onion and rinse her in the sink.
Man that was awfully disgusting. After an hour, the girls are showered and napping, JD is sort of asleep or about asleep, and the sofa cushions are in the washing machine. I start laughing because this is a crazy house! It's a happy crazy house but still kinda crazy busy. Life with Twingles is insane, some days its just easier to laugh than cry. Some days you just have to let the day be how it's going to be. And if service repair men think we're one crazy house- well they're right. It is! But it's fun!!
 |
| My home made sign |
JD doesn't understand personal space and wants to be involved in everything. He's very affectionate and gregarious but he's also very particular about who he warms up to. I envy his ability to rely on his instincts. If highly stressed or nervous folks are around him- he acts up, gets super hyper and that awful screech is in high gear. If someone is calm and open- he's their best bud. If someone wants to force him to interact, he shuts down and tunes out. So depending on who it is, they can see a totally different side of my boy.
When people come to the house I always worry. All the therapists know what to expect so clearly I don't worry about them. Two weeks ago I applied for life insurance and the nurse came to the house to do a paramedical exam on me-- bloodwork, weight, blood pressure, medical history etc. The girls were having lunch and JD was watching tv. He got hyper at the newness of a stranger in the house. Jumping the couch hyper!
This week we had the plumber and the Direct tv guys over. Both service men were amazing with my kid! The Direct tv guy showed him his work van, and let JD "help". The plumber was perfectly fine with JD climbing all over him while the poor man was hunched over the bath tub pipes. When they left, my boy not only said "Good bye, later" on his own, but he made eye contact. Sure he was hyper, sure he verbally stimmed, sure he did all the stuff you expect from a 3 year old. The girls, were the girls. And I was the baby chaser the entire time the service men were here.
After they leave and the kids are napping, I wonder 2 things:
1. Did these men leave here having gained a greater awareness of ASD?
2. Do they think we're as nuts as I sometimes feel?
I hope they at least learn that autism is a spectrum and JD is not Rain man. I don't know where JD is on the spectrum but I want people to accept him for who he is. Some behaviors can't be helped, some reactions can't be controlled-- and I am incredibly thankful for the folks who come into this house and treat JD as a normal 3 year old boy and don't show pity or fear or anything else negative. I know this won't always be the case, but I find myself feeling that maybe mankind isn't doomed, because there are some genuinely nice people left on this world. And some of them have found their way to my house.
 |
| JD with his Cars! |
Shortly after lunch Apple is nursing, I'm cuddling JD, and I'm googling. Cems is playing with the Leap Frog Tag Books when I heard her poor tummy make monstrous noises. I figured I'd let her finish before changing her diaper. I hear her tummy again. Then she starts crying. I look down and realize the diaper failed. Diaper Blow Out of Gargantuan proportions! So there's a Poop fest all over her, on the floors, everywhere. Then Apple's tummy makes a familiar noise. Oh Shit!
I've got 2 poopy babies, poop on the floor, some on the couch, all over the book. Hmm, Dilemma! Can't leave the mess and JD alone, Can't leave the girls in the tub alone. I clean most of it with a boxful of baby wipes while holding on to the BOGOs by their dresses. Some days I wish I had arms like a Hindu Goddess. While I dump a fully dressed Apple in the tub, I undress Cems layer by layer, like a poopy onion and rinse her in the sink.
Man that was awfully disgusting. After an hour, the girls are showered and napping, JD is sort of asleep or about asleep, and the sofa cushions are in the washing machine. I start laughing because this is a crazy house! It's a happy crazy house but still kinda crazy busy. Life with Twingles is insane, some days its just easier to laugh than cry. Some days you just have to let the day be how it's going to be. And if service repair men think we're one crazy house- well they're right. It is! But it's fun!!
 |
| Unusual to be in the same spot |
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
I learned it from my parents
I need to start this with a disclaimer since a lot of family reads this and although previous posts have been pointedly directed at certain family members- this post is Not. I'll say it again- this post is not directed at anyone. I am not responsible for others hindsight regrets or guilty consciences. If any one's feelings are hurt, then stop reading my blog. My blog is a place I can vent, rant, and write. I write for my sanity, I don't write to make anyone happy or sad. Well sometimes, but not this time. If you're chuckling by now then I guess you must not be related and it's time to start. Ok here goes. . .
Everything we know, we learned it from our parents. Hubby and I quite often joke that we learned our parenting approach from our childhood experiences. We have always said, "We'll do the opposite of how we were raised." Now don't tense up- this is not a bash our parents post. I'm not going to post anything about hubby's childhood, especially anything he might not want to relive or rehash because it's not my childhood to reveal or discuss. And I'm not going to rehash and analyze my childhood. I had a lovely childhood if somewhat sheltered and confining in a Spanish Catholic sort of way.
I was just upstairs nursing Apple back to sleep. I remembered an earlier conversation at the pediatricians office today. My sis told me the girls would sometimes fall asleep really late, off their schedule, when hubby and I were in Cali. It struck me as odd, because this is not the mom I remember. My mom has always been flighty but I was always fed and in bed at a early time. Then I thought some more, I don't remember playing with my mom. I have very clear memories of playing with my dad. My mom would give me a bath and Dad would then put me to bed. I remember times with my mom revolved around household chores, listening and dancing to music, watching tv, going to church. But not playing together. How odd is that? I'm not saying she never played with me. I know she did, she must have. I'm saying I have no clear memory of this. I do remember memories of being punished, of being spanked or that awful clear plastic belt. Of walking to the mercado, to buy our daily bread and groceries. Running to the church when it started raining. Then memories of living here in the states- running home from 3rd street in flooded streets. Constantly wanting to do more things without parental supervision. Constantly resentful of being raised in a conservative Spanish Catholic culture when I was living in a very American country. And if I'm completely honest- I was angry with my mom for many years- because she went to work and left me in school. And she's always been closer to my sister. Yeah, sure, parents don't have favorites. Tell that to someone who believes that! And the tooth fairy exists too by the way! You heard it here. My sister was my moms favorite chosen one, and I have been my dads. Until and unless said parent was mad at us, then that changed. It made for some sibling rivalry I think.
The kids will have clear memories of both hubby and I playing with them. I want them to have very good childhood memories. No one has photographic memories of their childhood. With time, things become distorted. Things we remembered as tall, big, and enormous are small and minimal when seen as adults. Is it possible hubby and I remember things to have been worse than they were? Doubtful in his case, I think hubby remembers things perfectly how they really were and he's made his peace with it. Me- I'm not sure. It wasn't awful-far from. It was nice and sweet. But it also wasn't perfect. It was confining to someone who wanted to experience and do more. So I found myself very stupidly and dangerous going behind my parents back and doing a lot of stupid teen stuff without them knowing. I had so many teen experiences without the guidance of a parent, because I knew they wouldn't approve and they wouldn't permit. Thankfully, I didn't land in too much trouble. But the potential was very much there. So, everything we don't want to do, everything we shouldn't do- we learned from our parents mistakes.
I know I'm making very general statements here about this. But I don't want to get into specific examples, as again, half this discussion I won't relate here. Its not my story and I respect hubby's privacy. I respect the boundaries of our relationship and clearly telling you about my partners childhood isn't something you should do without clear permission and well even with permission- its not my experience, not my memories to be airing. As much as I have no problem blasting family for their behaviors as it relates to my kids, I don't want to blast anyone for their behaviors towards my husband. Even though I might really want to.
I want to be supportive in a non judgemental and critical way. I want to push them to be better, push them to strive for more. But I don't want them to feel pressured to excel, like immigrant kids like me feel. I want them to feel like they can come to us and speak their minds, ask for our advice, know we'll always be there for them. I want them to know we'll be fair and we'll reach compromises. Sometimes we'll be adamant and say "No." No matter what, we'll always be there for them. I never ever want them to feel like they have to be the "emotional parent". I never ever want them to feel lonely, afraid, and tired of being an adult too soon. Ever. No child should ever feel that, and newsflash if your kid has ever felt that- baring any mental health issues- then you've sucked as a parent. No exceptions.
Something I believe passionately is that your job as a parent should be to support, encourage, discipline, love AND accept. Regardless of economic bracket, social status, culture, history- a child should have a childhood and it should be nurtured and protected. So that's what we plan to do with our kids. Sure we'll screw up, sure we'll make mistakes- but I want the kids to remember a happy family and definitely me playing with them. Because otherwise, I have no excuse for the messy house. Thanks for reading!
Everything we know, we learned it from our parents. Hubby and I quite often joke that we learned our parenting approach from our childhood experiences. We have always said, "We'll do the opposite of how we were raised." Now don't tense up- this is not a bash our parents post. I'm not going to post anything about hubby's childhood, especially anything he might not want to relive or rehash because it's not my childhood to reveal or discuss. And I'm not going to rehash and analyze my childhood. I had a lovely childhood if somewhat sheltered and confining in a Spanish Catholic sort of way.
I was just upstairs nursing Apple back to sleep. I remembered an earlier conversation at the pediatricians office today. My sis told me the girls would sometimes fall asleep really late, off their schedule, when hubby and I were in Cali. It struck me as odd, because this is not the mom I remember. My mom has always been flighty but I was always fed and in bed at a early time. Then I thought some more, I don't remember playing with my mom. I have very clear memories of playing with my dad. My mom would give me a bath and Dad would then put me to bed. I remember times with my mom revolved around household chores, listening and dancing to music, watching tv, going to church. But not playing together. How odd is that? I'm not saying she never played with me. I know she did, she must have. I'm saying I have no clear memory of this. I do remember memories of being punished, of being spanked or that awful clear plastic belt. Of walking to the mercado, to buy our daily bread and groceries. Running to the church when it started raining. Then memories of living here in the states- running home from 3rd street in flooded streets. Constantly wanting to do more things without parental supervision. Constantly resentful of being raised in a conservative Spanish Catholic culture when I was living in a very American country. And if I'm completely honest- I was angry with my mom for many years- because she went to work and left me in school. And she's always been closer to my sister. Yeah, sure, parents don't have favorites. Tell that to someone who believes that! And the tooth fairy exists too by the way! You heard it here. My sister was my moms favorite chosen one, and I have been my dads. Until and unless said parent was mad at us, then that changed. It made for some sibling rivalry I think.
The kids will have clear memories of both hubby and I playing with them. I want them to have very good childhood memories. No one has photographic memories of their childhood. With time, things become distorted. Things we remembered as tall, big, and enormous are small and minimal when seen as adults. Is it possible hubby and I remember things to have been worse than they were? Doubtful in his case, I think hubby remembers things perfectly how they really were and he's made his peace with it. Me- I'm not sure. It wasn't awful-far from. It was nice and sweet. But it also wasn't perfect. It was confining to someone who wanted to experience and do more. So I found myself very stupidly and dangerous going behind my parents back and doing a lot of stupid teen stuff without them knowing. I had so many teen experiences without the guidance of a parent, because I knew they wouldn't approve and they wouldn't permit. Thankfully, I didn't land in too much trouble. But the potential was very much there. So, everything we don't want to do, everything we shouldn't do- we learned from our parents mistakes.
I know I'm making very general statements here about this. But I don't want to get into specific examples, as again, half this discussion I won't relate here. Its not my story and I respect hubby's privacy. I respect the boundaries of our relationship and clearly telling you about my partners childhood isn't something you should do without clear permission and well even with permission- its not my experience, not my memories to be airing. As much as I have no problem blasting family for their behaviors as it relates to my kids, I don't want to blast anyone for their behaviors towards my husband. Even though I might really want to.
I want to be supportive in a non judgemental and critical way. I want to push them to be better, push them to strive for more. But I don't want them to feel pressured to excel, like immigrant kids like me feel. I want them to feel like they can come to us and speak their minds, ask for our advice, know we'll always be there for them. I want them to know we'll be fair and we'll reach compromises. Sometimes we'll be adamant and say "No." No matter what, we'll always be there for them. I never ever want them to feel like they have to be the "emotional parent". I never ever want them to feel lonely, afraid, and tired of being an adult too soon. Ever. No child should ever feel that, and newsflash if your kid has ever felt that- baring any mental health issues- then you've sucked as a parent. No exceptions.
Something I believe passionately is that your job as a parent should be to support, encourage, discipline, love AND accept. Regardless of economic bracket, social status, culture, history- a child should have a childhood and it should be nurtured and protected. So that's what we plan to do with our kids. Sure we'll screw up, sure we'll make mistakes- but I want the kids to remember a happy family and definitely me playing with them. Because otherwise, I have no excuse for the messy house. Thanks for reading!
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