A day in the life of

A day in the life of. . .

We’re usually up by 7:30 to be ready and out of the house by 9. The only morning person is my Cemily baby girl. She wakes up and is wide awake and ready to go. The other 2 and me are slow going and grumpy.  JD & I had to cut off our morning cuddles early today. We’re both rather tired because from 2-4 kiddo was up in his room with me. So there we are: I speed dress myself, get breakfast going, wake the twins up, change diapers and potty. In between yell down reminders to JD to eat and how much time he’s got left. The girls wanted PJ day. Fine, we’re late so that’ll save us time. Brush teeth, diapers changed, socks on and I load up their ziplock baggies for cheerios on the go. JD isn’t done breakfast so it’s pancakes in ziplock baggy for breakfast on the go. I throw them all in the minivan (not literally, c’mon people), double check everyone is strapped in and we’ve got everything we need. Off we go to school. TSS texts she’s running 10 minutes late, okey dokey.No biggie, guaranteed we're running late too. 

Do the preK drop off routine—unload the mom mobile, fight with JD over breakfast in the cafeteria. He hates the cafeteria. I don’t blame him, it’s crazy loud in there. Leave him doing the noodle twist on the floor with his teacher, heart in my throat. Hoping and praying he'll be ok and that we don't get kicked out of this prek too. Dude, that's the reality, that's exactly what I fear everyday. Take a deep breath, wrestle the tots into their car seats. Feel like I’m ready for a drink or a nap and off we go back home. 

Rush back home. Girls decide their breakfast and we’re watching some Dora while I reheat my tea in the microwave for the 3^rd time. I sip my lukewarm tea standing by the kitchen until someone starts crying. Sigh. Oh crap, I just remembered I left a load in the washing machine. And I better reload the dishwasher. Sigh.

While the girls are eating, I rush upstairs, do beds and clean the bathroom (5 year old newly potty trained boy he misses A LOT). Come downstairs and want to cry over the mess in the kitchen. Tackle that in between speech therapy and some coloring. I need to sweep again. Get interrupted a lot to dress their babies, their mommies, and to do ballet dance class with them. Fine, we’ll do all that. So girls are watching Nic Jr.while I’m cleaning up the dvds and I find an exercise dvd that I meant to try and have never done.

I go get changed and wrestle the girls while trying to do 30 minutes of cardio. I don’t know if it’s the dvd or fighting with the girls but Goodness I worked up a sweat! But sadly I don’t feel refreshed—why? Because the girls have made me grumpy and miserable the last 30 minutes because they want to watch cartoons.  Little Snots. 

Mad rush through shower, I may still have shampoo in my hair but it’s all good. We get home and our TSS is waiting. The kids rush into the house, sneakers go whichever way, coats go flying, backpack needs to be checked, lunch box needs to be cleaned, girls need to eat lunch. I remind loudly that coats get hung and sneakers go in their bins but somehow everyone ignores me. So I get louder and suddenly its clear I mean business. In between we work on speech and some sensory activities. Work on JD’s FBA at home to see how he’s doing is he tracking progress etc?

She's gone and I take 5 minutes to check emails, request an IEP quarterly, send some texts to get progress reports from his therapists. Crap, what are we eating for dinner? It’s quarter to 6. I spent 10 minutes talking to my aunt for her belated birthday call & I gave the kids popsicles. Yup, total bribe so I could call my aunt. Ok positive incentive. Whatever, you get the deal. I found Apple D upstairs making a lagoon in the bathroom sink. She smiles and says: "Wash hands!" Uh huh. Cemily is in the living room playing in juice box puddles "Drink mommy?" uh huh. JD is calmly playing with his legos and a melted popsicle. Buddy why? "Huh?" is his reply. Yeah he forgot he had a popsicle. Sigh.. This is why I never call anyone.

I’m ready for bedtime. But I’ve got an 1 hour of zumba tonight and I need to get baths and pjs done. But wah we’re still fighting over dinner here. I have weird kids. They’re refusing mac n cheese. What kid doesn’t eat mac n cheese? Mine, that’s whos. Sigh. Gotta run, JD needs a calming hug. Oh and tomorrow? I get to do this crazy life all over again except tomorrow we’ve got 1 hour private therapies and a 20 minute drive to and fro on I-95.Its all good. It's just life. Exhausted!! And the house looks like a wreck even though I swept 3 times and cleaned the bathroom twice. Oh well.

Striving for Normal

Six years ago the worry and stress were about work related things, simpler things. This stress of striving for normal is about my children and their future. Failure, lack of progress means they might not be able to live alone or unassisted or she might never be able to have a conversation without software or sign language.

My goal,  my dream is to see all of my kids living "normal" lives, in whatever sense that may be possible. JD living an independent meaningful and purposeful life where he is happy and thrives. Apple girl talking to friends without assistance. Cemily baby happy and a part of the trio. I don't want her to feel marginalized. I don't want her to be resentful. Simple goals, and yet so much hard work on their part to accomplish them. I don't know what the future holds, I don't know if I'm being realistic. I have accepted that I can't "fix" them, and that hurts too. But my job remains unchanged, I need to help push them along to "normal" and try to "fix" the problem as much as possible. Not a day goes by where I didn't wish I had the magic cure. Our lives would be completely different then wouldn't it?

You have to know where you're going in order to know what you're fighting for. For me, my journey-- its to hold their hands and guide them towards "normalcy" as much as they are able and willing to. 
As they get older, my job will be to support and offer guidance, and its also going to be to know when to shut my mouth and let them live their lives without judgment. I think that's when it'll be difficult for me. I like to be in control and well you can't control kids. Then again, you can't control the future either. It's all a part of life and hoping for the best.

Let's say we never get to "normal", life will keep on moving, we'll just adjust our goals and keep on taking it one day at a time. Nothing else to do right?  I think the fun and happiness in life are in learning to recognize the good stuff in the midst of all the bad stuff. It is a joy to see the happy silly stuff in our daily lives when I join JD in his view of the world. When I sit and have a conversation with my girls, in a 2 year old level-- its really hysterical. I am so proud to be their mom. They are my joy, my everything. It is at those times when I realize, I'm striving for "normal" but for us this is normal. This is our life and I can't ever forget that I need to enjoy each moment I have with them. It is going by so fast.