When I was pregnant with JD, we were ecstatic and anxious as only a couple can be with their 1st born. A week after JD was born we all came home bundled up against the cold windy October air. Suddenly a family of 3. There were 2 of us and one baby. We worked as a team and learned how to parent together. And one night a week I'd rush off to grad school and the hubs would have alone time with the baby. I breastfed him at nights, rocking in the glider during the predawn hours. I would look down at him nursing and had the luxury to sit and bond.
Fast forward to a 2 year old very active little boy, a stay at home mom, a frazzled dad, and bam we're expecting twins. And they're girls! Wow! Three days after they're born, we stop at my mom's on the way home from the hospital with twin girls in their infant seats. We get back into the van with JD in the backrow. And he has 2 baby sisters. And we start the 20 minute ride home as a family of (gulp) 5. Damn, the kids outnumber us!
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| JD meeting the twins. |
The only way to survive, in my eyes, is for the grown ups to stick together. We must be a team, united in 1 mission-- to raise these kids right and somehow still survive as a couple. You think it's easy? Let's look at the odds: 13% chance of divorcing when the oldest child is a singleton and twin babies. Parents of autistic children have a 24% chance of divorcing. Some say that parents of ASD kids have as high as 80% odds of divorcing. I don't know about you, but I'm not liking those odds so much.
The battle of survival starts once the hubby goes off to work. Me against 3 of them. 3 diapers to change, 3 to feed, 2 to breastfeed on demand. Somedays we have therapies or pre school thrown in there. And at least one of those days my parents and sister help out or JD sleeps over at their house. I'm usually on my own until dinner and yes somedays I count down until it's finally 2 parents against 3 kids. Around 8 p.m. when I'm bone tired I realize I never brushed my hair, I have juice stains on my pants or my sweater smells distinctly like baby spit up. Then I read until I fall asleep. I have no idea what time the hubs comes up to bed. All I know is that around the time CE wakes up to torment me-- err to nurse, hubs is in bed snoring away and I make my stealth way into the girls room and try to win the nightly battle of get CE to sleep in the crib all night.
So is it any wonder that the divorce rate is increased with twins? It's because I'm too busy being a mother and I often forget how to be ME. You know the ME I used to be before Motherhood took over? The Me who didn't buy underwear and socks out of a package from Wally world. I should have Patience for my husband you say? You go through my day on little sleep and repeat it again and again and tell me how much patience you'd have left over for a grownup. I venture to say not much. Somedays I look in the mirror and shake my head laughing. Is that really me? Yup. Motherhood- it's a legacy of love and survival. Being a parent is about trying to stick together, raise a family, and hope you don't screw it up too much. Being a twingle mom-- it's about surviving and loving your kids every second, except maybe when you're in a rush and your kid wants to count the steps with his left foot only.
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| JD & Me, 2 mos. old |
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