Happy Valentine's

Today was school day. JD was in full blown meltdown mode from the time I woke him, dressed and dropped him off at school. 1st, he didn't want to go to school. "I tired, I want sleep." Then he wanted to go to school dressed in his Toy Story Buzz Lightyear Footie PJ's. I struggled to dress the flaying fish and got hit and smacked in the process. After the storm, I cried on the couch. Bear with me, this is a happy post- Really!

When meltdowns happen, it's not just your ASD kid living it, it is everyone else in its path who is affected. Especially mom or dad, because we're trying our damnest to redirect or snap them out of it. But we're also inside the eye of the meltdown and this is quite a different phenomenon than seeing one as an outsider. An outsider becomes the movie critic and feels we're doing it all wrong and they know just how to solve it. An outsider feels we should stop yelling or restraining (to prevent injury to self or child). Those of us in the meltdown, however, are so emotionally raw and hooked in the same freakin cycle that we're helpless to stop and walk away. We're just trying to ride it out and survive it. The truth is I don't have a freakin clue if my approach is best. Who the hell knows? And don't judge or criticize how I handle my son, I already do that enough. Trust me, I am my worst critic. I don't know if I can be what he needs. Maybe I'm a crappy mom who is making it worse. Maybe I'm weak and just can't do it. This is the only thing I know- I love him so much and I'll be damned if I let ASD steal my child. And yes somedays I'm going to scream and cry. I'm human. Deal with it.

ASD is like a rollercoaster as I've mentioned in previous posts. With some trepidation, I picked JD up not knowing what to expect. He was gave me a hug and a "Happy Valentine's Mama!" Suddenly, with that smile and a unsteady run towards me, my day was all better. In fact, it was a Swonderful, Wonderful, Amazing, Fantabulous Day! I got hugs and kisses and smiling eyes from my baby. And I got one more thing. . .My little man made me not 1, but 2 handmade Valentines! "It's hearts mama, Look I did hearts!"  My baby knows how to treat a girl right on Valentines. Who needs anything else from anyone else when your little one gives you a Valentine and hugs and kisses. Toss in a happy ASD kid who spoke in sentences-- Tears! Smiles! One proud mama! Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

Happy St. Valentine's!