Autism Parenting Mojo where are you?

I went to an Autism Behaviorial training session yesterday. It mostly dealt with using Dr. Phelan's 1-2-3 Magic. Coincidentally, it's on my night stand in the "ASD to read pile". Anyone have one of those piles?
One observation from the introductions- very few parents there. Most of the attendees were professionals in the social services field. It felt odd to be there just as an Autism Mom. I sort of felt on display. Oh look Autism Mom in 2nd row! She's NOT a case worker. And then during the intro- Oh I'm merely an Autism Mom. I'm here because I need all the help I can get!

I wasn't really on display and certainly no one was rude. In fact there were all very helpful and one of them is even going to help me with my IEP meeting next week. But somehow I did feel self conscious and even somehow less important than the room full of titles. Which is silly I know! After all, I'm the one living in Autism JD Land. Hell, I live in a Twingle land- the land of a mom of both a single pregnancy and a twin pregnancy. And now F--ing Autism Land. And let me tell you, I am not one to suffer from low self esteem. I'm not shy and I rarely care what people think of me. But somehow ASD makes you crazy. It really does.

It makes you second guess and third guess everything and anything. Everything- from vaccination schedules (and no I'm not going to debate this issue, I'm not that crazy), diet changes, to whether or  not he should wear ankle or crew socks. Autism sucks, I can't say that enough. It sucks. Alot. Because it makes you a parent with parenting low self esteem. For whatever decision you think you've solidly made, you know somewhere somehow, there's some research out there that says it causes ASD or may cause it, or may make it worse. Have I mentioned Autism sucks? Yeah it does. I'm very much a Fight Autism now person. You won't ever find me in the accept autism camp. I love my child. Let me say that again- I love my child. He's a sweet, loving boy and he's my baby. But I didn't give birth to Autism- I don't have to love the disorder. 

I need to find a good parenting place to be, I need my parenting mojo back. Because anyone can tell you that low parenting self esteem is deadly to your ability to properly advocate for your child. I also need to learn how to swim through all this crap that's called Wrong Decision Panic! and learn to live with Trial and Error. It's not like ASD comes with a manual. I should be used to the unknown- God knows very little is known about Achalasia and I've been battling that since as early as high school when the symptoms started. I wonder if eventually you become an ASD Mommy warrior and uber advocate? You have to right? Who knows? Because I think it has merit, let me say it again- ASD sucks!!!
As JD would say in his sing song way- "Oh Autism Parenting Mojo, where are you? Are you here, Nooo! (giggle) Are you here? Oh no, Oh no, (deeply upset and heartfelt) it's lost." It's lost. Sigh. Tomorrow I'll try and find it.