People watching

One of the babies favorite things to do is people watch. They giggle, they smile, they cry, they stare. To them, at 10 months, people watching is an experience they can immerse themselves in. They thoroughly enjoy their environment, quickly learning how to adapt and respond to each experience. It is so much fun watching them develop and yet also rather bittersweet. Mostly because I compare their development to JD at the same age. AP just learned how to clap her hands and recently learned how to crawl. She is so proud of clapping that she claps, shows you, and then beams a smile at you. As if to say, "Look what I just DID!" JD had been clapping for quite a while at this age. He was starting to walk holding on to things, he was a master at crawling. And yet at this same age he wasn't saying as much as the girls. The girls are much more vocal than he was. I wonder, will I always compare his development to theirs? Will I always feel bittersweet? And what will I feel, how much hurt and sadness, when they surpass his development? There's no comfort to these questions, and so I try to brush them aside for another day. Today I live one day at a time.

I like when JD people watches. He stands still, as if frozen in place, his hands and arms close to his body, slightly leaning forward. There's an awkwardness to his stance. Sometimes he spins in place (although this is less and less), sometimes he stomps in place, but mostly he sucks or bites his fingers. It's a comfort thing for him. And he watches the world around him. But unlike the girls, there are no giggles or smiles, no emotion. It's just a stare. I wonder what goes on in his head, what does he think? I usually ask him or interrupt and make him engage. He perks right up and starts jabbering away, sometimes I can understand, other times I can't. He gets so excited trying to explain what he was staring. And then I realize, he's as engaged or immersed in his people watching experience as the girls. But it's just manifested differently. Because life with ASD is a little different. As if you didn't already know!