Today JD wiggled out of his booster seat during a meltdown in the car. He ran up the middle of the van and made a wild grab for the steering wheel. I slammed on the brakes and tried to keep a hold of him one handed while I tried not to have a heart attack. Instead, I screamed at him at the top of my lungs. Yes, the words, "Scared the shit out of me!" came out a couple of times in distinct yells. So there we were in full meltdown- hitting, kicking, doing the banana wiggle in the middle of the parking lot, in the middle of a lane. Not even in a parking spot. Not my finest moment in handling stress. Honestly, if I could have, I would've left them in the car and gone off to cry. But I sucked it up and was a mom and just let him cry it out until he calmed somewhat. I redirected somewhat successfully. But honestly it wasn't until he was good and ready that we got moving again. Can't say how many people honked or turned to stare. I think at one point I flashed the crowd in the patio of a restaurant when JD pulled it down. Don't really care. Hope they enjoyed the free show. Because we sure did give them a show.
The lowest point, as I am strapping him into the booster and using 2 seat belts in the back row to kinda Mickey mouse a way to keep him strapped in long enough to drive us home, JD says as he's cries his little heart out, doing the ASD high pitched screams, and tugging his hair, slapping his face- "Mami, I sick, I sick." That I cried right along with him. Knowing ASD snuck into my house is hard. Knowing he's aware of it and that his own body is out of control- the pain is indescribable. This pain for my son- this hurt, it will never go away. I will never accept ASD in our house.
Came home to a whining and fussy Cate. I think a couple of teeth are coming in. Her poor little gums are swollen. No kidding this kid has cried since 5 pm and it's now 7. She's stopped off and on, but nothing is stopping it. Not the frozen teethers, advil, teething tablets, washrag. One of those days where I will be crying my little heart out in the shower once everyone is asleep. Tomorrow is another day. Today beat me and my kids up pretty bad.
No comments:
Post a Comment