Possibilities

I had one of those Ah-Ha moments this evening.  A moment where I had a small glimpse of the future and you are confronted with the emotional reality. What do I mean? Well my boy has a rough road ahead, he'll have to work harder, some things won't come naturally to him. I know all of this. But today I was a front row witness to it and oh Dear Lord, it hurts! It hurts so much to be so useless.

Here's the run down-- JD will need to learn these unspoken acquired social rules. We were sitting out front, chatting with Neighbor Ted. BTW- JD loved Neighbor Ted and his dog Jack. A boy from down the block came over to say hi, riding on his bike. JD wanted to play or talk to him but he got shy and didn't know how to engage him. The boy rode away never knowing that my little boy got his feelings hurt because he was ignored. And I felt so bad for him, I wanted to hug him. Instead, I reminded him that he needs to say hi, introduce himself, and ask if he wants to play.

A little while later, two girls come out of Neighbor Ted's house sporting newly made jewelry. They are in the middle of talking to Neighbor Ted when JD interrupts them to tell them about something that happened 10 minutes earlier. First he interrupted, then he goes into his own little narration of his "conversation" and it's all being retold a hyper speed. The girls are good natured about it but he's hard to understand when he's so hyper. I intervene and remind him to introduce himself. But he ignores me and continues his story. She nervously giggles and says: "I can't understand him, what's he saying? What's he doing?"  Oooh little girl, words are powerful things, causing powerful emotions and you just made me physically bleed.

With this vignette, I realized this is what it'll be like. If we're lucky to keep this progression going, this is what it'll be like for my little guy. As my hubby reminded me, it's probably something that JD
will always have to consciously work on. You and I introduce ourselves and make friends without thinking about it. My baby will have to work at conversation, at small talk, at making friends. All I can do is uselessly sit on my front step, reassure him, but I can't fix it for him. And oh the pain of it. This hurts so much.

I don't want to cry and feel sorry for myself or my son. I remind myself that his psychologist said we're on the right road with JD and that he sees very good possibilities for him. We'll keep plugging along then. Deep breath. Glimpses of very good possibilities are nice even though some will be painful.