10 Things

Things Not to Tell Potential Buyers:
10. Previous owner thought he was a Mr. Fix It. Leading to more costly repairs for us. Because neither of us are Mr. or Mrs. Fix Its and the Idiots Guide to Fix Things just didn't cover a lot of Previous Mr. Fix It's "fixings" and even simple things like redirecting the darn dryer vent or changing and upgrading the fuse box lead to many a headache and a bigger check amount. So we won't be mentioning that.

9. Measurements in this house are very Odd. Our backdoor- weird dimensions. So when our ex-dog who needed Xanax bit through our door it cost us over $1000. to replace the old door. Because it needed to be Custom. We hear that word alot in this house- Custom. Custom = Costly. Costly gives us headaches.

8. Our dining room China cabinet hides the wall of New Jersey. Yup, NJ. Whenever you paint that wall, a bubble the shape of NJ appears. It doesn't disappear until the wall is completely dry. That's how we decided that that wall would be perfect for the China Cabinet. Because we're Pennsy folks and Pennsys don't like Jerseys. A Phillies fan can never like the Mets- thus the rivalry and our desperate need to hide New Jersey. Lest we be called Mets fans.

7. Our doorbell chime is possessed or bipolar. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. You never know.

6. The oven is the worst cooking oven I have ever seen. It has systematically prevented me from baking for the past 9 years we've lived here. Only a small- err Tiny- minuscule Turkey will fit in it. Be prepared to order a Turkey. Or settle for Cornish Hens. Oh ok- I am exaggerating. You could perhaps cook a baby Turkey in there. But again since it's a crappy oven- be prepared for lopsided burning.

5. The garage ceiling has these ducts and open spaces that seem to have no purpose and seem to be a half finished/started project of Former Mr. Fix It's.

4. The whole rear of the house is freezing or sweltering, depending on the weather. Our room- we always either need an extra blanket or fan. We even had new siding and insulation installed. We had energy efficient windows installed. It is still bloody cold in winter and freaking hot in summer.

3. No air runs through this house. It can be 60* outside but if it was hot during the day you will be sweating in the house throughout the whole night. No breeze gets in this house- doesn't matter how much you open windows. No breeze. Coolest place is the basement. In fact with the air conditioner on- the basement is freezing so you'll need a fleece even in summer. The reverse is true in cold weather. So make sure you have a tank top handy during the winter because the heat works really great in the basement! And the Bathroom. The blast from the AC vent in the bathroom opens the door. And you freeze when you sit on the toilet.

2. The neighbor plays the drums and has stinky turtles in the backyard. But to be fair- we had our dog indiscriminately use the toilet in our backyard for over 3 years and they never complained. The other neighbors (the other side) seem to be deaf and they seem to have daily arguments or at least very raised voices. I can hear my daily episode of what I call La Novela even with the tv or radio on. Both sides smoke and the noxious smell seeps through the basement walls, basement doors, and windows. If you're a smoker you'll fit right in. For someone who abhors it like I do- not so much. But when asked, I will say we have lovely neighbors.

1. We lose power all the time for no reason. In the summer, winter, before a full moon, when it's raining, when it's 100 degrees outside so 110 degrees inside. When you have a month's worth of frozen breast milk stored in the freezer. Whenever you think is the worst time to lose power- expect a blackout. And only our side of the block loses it, not across the way. So you'll be peeping out the wide open window in balmy 105 degrees wearing just underwear or hell buck naked (maybe not in the open window) and you'll see the lights on across the way- no sweat on those neighbors brows. And you'll want to yell and settle for merely growling. And you'll run upstairs to the corded phone or cell phone and call to hear the useless prerecorded message from the electric company.

Honorable mentions (per the hubby):

5 minutes of sun in the winter out front.
More snow to shovel! More ice to chip! This past winter wasn't bad, but the previous 3 were pretty rough with lots of snow, record level snow storms, record setting ice storms. Not that I helped much since I was pregnant or had a newborn in recent years.

Parking Wars & 2 car single lane driveway
People on this block seem to have an excess of cars. Or simply have big over sized cars that they don't know how to park. The spot in front of our house is highly coveted. There's an unspoken parking war going on over it- perpetually. One neighbor 2 doors down has a monster truck and is banned from his own driveway. He favors the spot in front of our house and our next door neighbor doesn't know how to park. Bad combination. Then hubby and I fight over who gets in 1st v. leaves 1st and moving the cars around in the midst of the parking wars with parking challenged neighbors.