I am grieving the loss of my best friend. Usually when you
get on my shit list it’s a life sentence. I may forgive because it’s healthier
for me, but hell will freeze over before I forget the lesson learned- ask the
fam. With my friend who was not just my best friend but as close to another
sister, I figured I should keep trying.
Then I remembered my crazy aunt and a Christmas memory. I realized I
didn’t want to do that to my best friend’s kids.
I divorced my aunt on my 8th grade graduation. My
aunt is either bipolar, or has a narcistic personality disorder, or is possessed.
Sorry not funny right? My memories of
her are like bipolar vignettes; from her strong laugh to standing in my living
room with trash bags full of clothes having left her drunk husband in the
middle of the night—again. She was always such a complete and utter bitch
towards my mom and sister. Sorry if it offends but trust me, no other word here.
Here’s an example of her craziness: I have a photograph of
my cousins & I, bundled up against the cold, playing in the snowy school
yard during an early dismissal, waiting for her to pick up my cousins. Crazy aunt was pissed that my sister & I
had waited with my cousins so they wouldn’t be by themselves in the school yard.
Weird and mean right? Told you—wacked
up crazy when she’s having a manic spell. I vividly remember how angry I was
when I saw how upset my sister was. She was barely 18 and my aunt had upset her
so bad that her hands were shaking.
The final straw for me, the time that I said to hell with them
all is at my 8th grade graduation when I was so proud to be
valedictorian; does the crazy aunt not go bat shit crazy and go off on me as
she walks into the auditorium? As my friend Louie held my hand I closed my
heart to them. Basically a 13 year old boy has more empathy than my bat shit
crazy aunt.
That Christmas memory I was talking about? It was over
Christmas presents. Whenever crazy woman was mad, the girls couldn’t talk to
me, nor accept gifts apparently. My mom shows up with presents at the crazy
woman’s door and gets the door slammed in her face. This enrages my dad and
well you get the picture here. Dad took longer to distance himself away from
her (his sister after all) but we’re all distant from them now. Can only put up with crazy for so long.
I am distancing myself from my former BFF because of what my
aunt taught me. I miss her kids like crazy. I’ve loved those kids since they
were born. As I was going through
Christmas gifts, I realized I did not want to put her kids in an awkward
position of having to choose whether or not to take my presents, or whether to
talk to me. For now, maybe space is for the best.
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| My happy place, where I go to when I'm trying to ignore the bad stuff. Aruba 2007. |
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