Chicken soup for goals

My goal for JD is to have him start mainstream kindergarten, with an aide to help with his behavior and with transitions. We have 2 years to try and make that goal a reality and I don't know if it'll happen. I used to worry that I'd be upset if it was never achieved. Over the weekend, I came to the realization that I would be fine. What lead to this epiphany?

We've all been sick this weekend, the girls have had a stomach bug, JD & I have had a cold, hubby seems to have a stronger immune system than us guppies so he's not feeling as bad. JD has been whining at night, his throat hurts, he's congested, he coughs-- he's a almost 4 year old and he is never at his best when he's half asleep, he becomes almost non verbal and his awareness is minimal. I was so frustrated at one point trying to figure out why he was crying, all I wanted to do was take away his pain, and he was just curled into himself on his bed crying refusing or unable to answer. Turned out his tummy was cramping and an upset stomach that was the culprit. Boy was that fun--explaining what vomit is and trying to calm an almost hysterical boy while he's half asleep. It made me realize how much worse autism can be when you have someone who isn't verbal and who can't communicate.

Please don't read this as pity or condescension-- it isn't at all. More so, it's the exact opposite. I am in awe of all Autism parents who can't communicate with their kids verbally, who have kids who won't respond when spoken too. I was so frustrated and worried trying to figure out the source of his pain. I felt so useless and panicked. It made me realize that what we deal with, it's not so bad in comparison. Sure I have my hands full, but JD is a really good kid most of the time, he just needs redirection often, and he's progressing so nicely as he grows. I am so thankful that JD has come such a long way in his vocabulary, he's already come such a long way from our pre diagnosis days that how can I not be thankful? So if we don't meet my personal goal of mainstreaming by kindergarten (and let's be honest that is my goal not JD's, he could care less, he doesn't even understand what that is), I'll be fine because many other kids with autism have it much worse, have been working towards progression for much longer than us. So I need to be thankful for what we've been given, for what is, and stop worrying about the maybes. And how apt that I even have a lovely bouquet of roses to smell!

On Saturday, JD & I went to Shoprite to get chicken soup ingredients and while there they were having a dog event outside in the parking lot. I wish I'd had my camera with me. I know I'll forever have this image in my mind-- JD flapping his hands and twirling in excitement as he was licked by a 3 year old beagle. "Mommy, doggy, doggy!" Smiling his million watts smile that will forever melt my heart. I love this kid so much, sometimes I wonder how my heart doesn't burst from the emotion.  I called hubby from the produce section so excited for my tots happiness of the moment.