Striving for Normal

Six years ago the worry and stress were about work related things, simpler things. This stress of striving for normal is about my children and their future. Failure, lack of progress means they might not be able to live alone or unassisted or she might never be able to have a conversation without software or sign language.

My goal,  my dream is to see all of my kids living "normal" lives, in whatever sense that may be possible. JD living an independent meaningful and purposeful life where he is happy and thrives. Apple girl talking to friends without assistance. Cemily baby happy and a part of the trio. I don't want her to feel marginalized. I don't want her to be resentful. Simple goals, and yet so much hard work on their part to accomplish them. I don't know what the future holds, I don't know if I'm being realistic. I have accepted that I can't "fix" them, and that hurts too. But my job remains unchanged, I need to help push them along to "normal" and try to "fix" the problem as much as possible. Not a day goes by where I didn't wish I had the magic cure. Our lives would be completely different then wouldn't it?

You have to know where you're going in order to know what you're fighting for. For me, my journey-- its to hold their hands and guide them towards "normalcy" as much as they are able and willing to. 
As they get older, my job will be to support and offer guidance, and its also going to be to know when to shut my mouth and let them live their lives without judgment. I think that's when it'll be difficult for me. I like to be in control and well you can't control kids. Then again, you can't control the future either. It's all a part of life and hoping for the best.

Let's say we never get to "normal", life will keep on moving, we'll just adjust our goals and keep on taking it one day at a time. Nothing else to do right?  I think the fun and happiness in life are in learning to recognize the good stuff in the midst of all the bad stuff. It is a joy to see the happy silly stuff in our daily lives when I join JD in his view of the world. When I sit and have a conversation with my girls, in a 2 year old level-- its really hysterical. I am so proud to be their mom. They are my joy, my everything. It is at those times when I realize, I'm striving for "normal" but for us this is normal. This is our life and I can't ever forget that I need to enjoy each moment I have with them. It is going by so fast.