Rain clouds keep falling on my head. . .

                Have you ever met that person who walks around with a little raincloud over their heads? And it’s always something. That could be anyone and everyone right? I mean this past weekend we realized we have a leak in between the walls. Like freaking  waterfalls! It was pouring down the walls in my bedroom. Now there’s this huge crack going from top to floor, cave in imminent, water coming into the room now. We had to clear out that corner and see what the damage was. Yuck!
               Sunday I was supposed to go to a birthday party and well life got in the way. Both girls had yet to eat dinner, no naps, JD had fallen asleep in the car and was having a meltdown of epic proportions, there in my bedroom ceiling is Niagra Falls, Philly style. The house was a mess and this past year came back to me and overwhelmed me. I kinda lost my shizzle and grabbed my car keys and escaped. I gotta tell you its been a flipping year.  WTF is next?! When is my flipping break coming? Because I’m trying really hard to keep it all working smoothly. But I don’t see that break anywhere! And why am I the only adult in the house that has to handle every crisis Alone?!

This has been a difficult and yet great year. I lost a good friend to breast cancer, I miscarried and so around October/November I thought, my baby would've been born now, we'd have a baby in the house if my freakin body hadn't let me down again. I thought it would be baby's first Christmas, his first Thanksgiving. I am convinced the baby was a boy. This year we learned my dad’s heart is failing, working at 40% only, we are putting down our 2 cats for diabetes and kidney issues. I am fighting a losing battle with keeping my esophagus. I know I’m headed for surgery in the Spring—flipping Achalasia.  Apple has started talking (approximations 2-3 word phrases), she is running and skipping, her low tone is improving! JD has mainstreamed into Pre-K, expelled, and now we’ve found a welcoming preK. He graduated out of speech therapy and he's so incredibly smart, thirsty to learn. We’ve got ongoing legal battles with his former school and the early intervention agency. I don't even want to think about how much we've spent on legal stuff. Cemily Peanut is blossoming. She's talking and singing and being a total girly princess girl. My life is blessed for being a mother to my 3. We’re dirt poor. Ok maybe not dirt, our floors are wooden. But really anyone with 3 kids and 1 income will know money is tight. Add in the “specials” and ya know it ain’t cheap! But we’re still circling the drain. The people in our lives are our friends and family who love and support us in however they can. I am blessed for having them in my life. I am blessed for the new friends who I have met and who truly understand. I realize this past year the good and bad stuff, it is all just life happening. So I can stop making myself to be the victim.

Yesterday while the girls were in their room “napping” AKA destroying their room in a giggle fest, they dropped their 5 drawer dresser on themselves. I ran in and lifted it off of them without thinking about my back, without thinking. All thoughts of breaks and waterfalls and a broken friendship, they didn’t matter. Thankfully the girls escaped with sore leg and a sore hand. The drawers they’d pulled out in stealth ninja mode (I didn’t hear them do it) managed to stop the dresser from really hurting them. I thank God for their guardian angel. I cried. I was so scared.

Life happens, the good, the bad. And I can either live it with a raincloud over my head or I can just say screw it, this is life, let’s live it. So do me a favor, if you see me with that raincloud making myself miserable, making myself the “victim” smack the back of my head. Life is good, I’ve got 3 beautiful children, a husband who most days I like and who always makes me laugh. I’m just going to learn to live it and deal with whatever comes our way. Can’t do better than that right? Whatever your new years resolution, whatever your state of mind-- appreciate life, live it, and make a promise to yourself to be happy, be positive.