Fairness & Forgiveness

Forgiveness and fairness are funny things. Everyone wants to talk about the unfairness of it all, whining about how unfair life is, blah, blah, blah. But no one wants to forgive anything or forget the lessons learned. Because if we forgive, does that make us the fool? No one wants to trust and be that fool again.

Yesterday I had to take my daughter to the neurologist at CHOP. You see a lot of sick, and I mean really sick, kids on the elevators. Passing a full lobby of bald babies is sobering. You know what I realized? If you don’t forgive and move on, you’ll be stuck with that bad energy and it is toxic. I don’t want to be defined by the mistakes of others and the hurt they caused. I don’t want to be that bitter person who says they’re stronger for learning their lessons when in fact they’re being defined and shaped by others wrong doing & the past. Those types of people never seem very happy to me. If I die tomorrow, I want to die happy, surrounded by love and happiness. I don’t want to die longing for someone I once knew.

I am me, I am loyal, I am fiercely protective of those I love & I’m not afraid to speak my mind. I try to be fair to everyone, I laugh at inappropriate times during movies, I fall asleep reading a lot and sometimes I screw up. It is hard for me to trust again after I have been deeply hurt and its equally hard for me to apologize when I screw up. But above it all, I am honest. I don’t like liars.  If people don’t like my honesty, well that’s on them. I don’t play games. Ever. When people start lying and playing games, I usually decide that’s about the time I stop trying to keep them in my life. I don’t want that around my kids, they have enough challenges to face without adding somebody else’s craziness to it.