I screamed at all of them to stop running around. Hysterical giggles and hyperactive behaviors ensued. Frustrated, I grabbed him by the shoulders to stop the chasing and got down to his level and in the heat of the moment said stuff like: "Don't you understand? Why don't you listen! She is scared of you. Your sister is scared of you. Stop chasing her. She doesn't like it!"
Why is it a big deal for me? I essentially was trying to make him feel shame over his behavior. However, his behavior, his misunderstanding the social cues, are a part of his disability. I should be ashamed of myself for failing to understand his perspective, his "causation". In that moment, I became one of "those" people whom I hate because they're selfish and ignorant. Except, I'm not ignorant, I know better, and in my utter exhaustion and frustration, I was mean. The silver lining, he didn't understand. Later, I apologized to him for my mean voice. At bedtime both hubby and I reinforced the expected behavior of "don't terrorize your sister, gentle hands, gentle feet."
That night I stayed up late reading most of the night. Running circles in my head was the sick feeling of my behavior. I am their mom and I know better, I am better, than today's moment. How do I fix the main issue? One of my girls is scared of her brother and runs away from him because of how often he hurts her, unintentionally, when they play. I hurt for both of them. I'm mommy, why can't I fix this today? Today we're working on facilitated social play. We've also doing Green, Yellow, Red for behaviors (Thanks Pinterest!). We live and learn. Parenting- its a journey of self discovery.
Song going through my head as I write this- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swVoXHVW-jI
especially the first lyrics- It should be the parenting motto.
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