Not More Food!!

It’s almost that time of year again for my seasonal depression where I go on my happy pills from now until oh March?  I think the holidays overwhelm me and I get depressed, anxious and what not. I don’t enjoy the holidays. I love Halloween, don’t have to deal with a meal, don't have to deal with much family, I get to watch the kids enjoy it. Win!!

I do not enjoy Thanksgiving or Christmas because they are BIG family events, sit down dinners, filled with get together’s revolving around what else MORE Eating! Do you have any IDEA how STRESSFUL it is to deal with the crazy family (c’mon they’re all crazy, everyone’s family is crazy, admit it) and then add watching to see if the kids are behaving too? Then I have to deal with the hubs anxiety before these things. Is it any wonder that I never actually EAT at these things. I’m either watching the kids, taking care of the kids, making sure they don’t aggrevate the hubs anxiety, or worrying about my F—ing Achalasia. Quite frankly I’d rather be home making playdoh or watching another episode of Caillou with the kids. I’d rather be reading my Kindle while the kids play in the yard, I’d rather be at Zumba sweating my butt off while the instructor is killing me with leg squats. I’d rather be anywhere but together as a family. I really would.

Achalasia—where Eating is never normal again. I’m going to put that on a tshirt! I’m tired of trying to explain to family that it’s not specific foods, its not consistencies, its not me being a picky eater, no the damn surgery didn’t cure me, No I’m not doing better. I’ve just learned to how to hide it really well and I know what to eat to keep weight on. I eat because I have to. But if I didn’t need to? I’d be the happiest of people except for those freaking spasms. I hate eating. I will always hate eating. It is a struggle to swallow food. It hurts to digest the food. Eating socially? Uggh, please, I’d rather go take a statistics exam. The dysphaghia, the pain, the discomfort, the sensation of choking, never knowing what’s going to set it off. Blah—no thanks. I try to enjoy this time of year, I truly do.

I’m usually in the middle of one of these get togethers that I realize, “Oh hell, I’ve become one of those moms where ALL I can talk about revolves around the KIDS or SPECIAL NEEDS. I have no clue what movies are playing, the latest fashion craze, what grown ups do? No clue. I can tell you about Obamacare as it relates to special needs or pre existing conditions. I can tell you what services you would qualify for in Philadelphia. Oh my God, I’ve become a terrible wife whose life revolves around her KIDS. Well shit, something else I should feel bad and guilty about. Sigh. Where’s the damn wine people?