All those stupid questions!

We went to see the homeopathic doctor yesterday. She was one of those gentle quiet souls. I always feel subconscious and somewhat impressed by these types of people. I have a very strong personality and so I try not to appear as one of those annoying know it all pushy people. I had to answer a lot of the same questions I've been asked hundreds of times about my pregnancy with JD. It still rather bothers me to be asked and quizzed about my pregnancy. It's almost like they're blaming me for his autism.

Here's the conversation going on in my head during the quizzing:

• IVF pregnancy? Well there you have it, you did IVF and now you have an ASD kid. Studies say so! Good old Catholic guilt! Was I selfish to desperately want to experience the wonders of pregnancy?
• High blood pressure from the 1st trimester? Induced because of pre eclampsia?- These complications made your kid an ASD kid.
• Achalasia and you got pregnant? Well there you have it, your nutrient malabsorption is what caused the ASD! Studies say so.
• Breastfed and have a lot of amalgams in your teeth- How could you think of breastfeeding with that much mercury in you?
• Flu Shot!! You had the flu shot while pregnant? What are you stupid? It's your fault.

There you have it, when they start asking me about my pregnancy all I hear and see coming out of their mouths is- Selfish! It's your fault!! It's your fault!!

I am tired of answering these stupid questions, these stupid questionnaires.  Stop blaming me, stop inferring it's my fault. I already blame MYSELF! Don't you get that?! My kid is sick and I desperately want to help him, cure him, find the miracle- I am the screaming mom in Terms of Endearment. I blame myself and God forbid they develop Achalasia- I will probably crawl into a fetal position and cry. But I know that whatever comes our way I will get myself together and keep going forward because I'm the mom and as a parent we don't have the luxury to fall to pieces.

We left the DAN doctor (do they still call them that? Is that PC or not?) having spent $350 for a 2 hour consult, 3 supplements, and a detox and diet plan. Wow 1 months grocery budget on 1 visit. Insane that it's all out of pocket- damn HMOs! Lets hope we get some good results.