Night Terrors, Fevers, and Seizures

Demons come into our house at night
To steal our hopes, dreams, and maybes
The tears, the heart ache, despair come in those dark moments

A child screaming, deep asleep, trapped in terror
Scared of windows, shadows, voices, sensations and sound,
You pray for kind and understanding neighbors

Loose tears still flowing, shivering in your arms, clawing at your wrists
While you're slowly reassuring and silently praying,
You realize this may never get better, it may never be outgrown

A Mother's Despair released in the quiet darkness
Silent tears and loneliness sound so loud.
Kneeling, holding his hand, my Son suddenly says: "It's okay mom, I love you."


A little boy's love lives here. Demons do not.

@2014 Twingle mami (LCL)

Out with the old, it's a new day!

We unexpectedly and pleasantly got a min-staycation without kids last week. The kiddos asked to sleep over at my parents. I love that my seventy something dad does his own research and reads about autism. My dad does floor time without realizing he’s doing something called floor time. My kids are very lucky to have the family that they have. 

It was nice to see that glimpse of who we used to be and to know that it is still there-- Somewhere. It’s kind of hard to still remember why you got married when you’re the only one advocating for services or working on therapies and goals with the kids. Well it is!  

I was a different person before kids. I was more focused on work and in some ways more immature. My husband and I never argued to the severity and extent that we do now. Sure we had disagreements. But to yell and scream, talk about walking out and divorcing? We never did that. Never! The one time we thought of calling it quits was when we were planning the wedding. I had my wedding binder and my husband could not have cared less. I stormed out of his house and left. And yes I still remember. Oh I was so mad at him then! Ah, to be twenty five with no kids again.

Becoming a MOM is the BEST decision I ever made. I am so thankful and blessed to be their mom. I think I am always going to be scared for their future until they are older and living their life, especially because of Autism and Apraxia. I wish I knew with certainty that they will be ok, that they can live independently, have a job, to have a happy life.

Nowadays, everything is so different but the house is full of giggles, laughs, cries, and craziness! Life is what you make it. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. What I am trying to say is life isn’t perfect. What life is? But we are both of us slowly learning to find a new normal in our imperfection and hopefully we both grow old together and raise our kids together.

2013 summed up in a couple words was: miscarriage, arguing/shouting, apraxia diagnosed, expelled and discriminated, regression of skills, hating school, cats sick and dying, worried about my health and my dads. I don’t know about you, but I am glad it’s a new year. As Michael Buble would sing: “It’s a new day, it’s a new dawn, it’s a new life. . .for me.” (Yes, I'm a HUGE fan. We go to his concert each time he's in Philly. He puts on a Great show!)
 

Happy New Year Folks! Hope 2014 has good stuff for you! Let's make it a great year!